So yeah I guess I'm back

So yeah, wasn't too much of a regular on here for a while. What can I say, got busy with life haha.

Not much terribly bass related I have to say happened, between trying my hand at orchestral composition, guitar and School work I've been strapped for time
Came out as being gay to my friends and family which was actually a bit of a harrowing and crazy experience in itself. Turned out nobody had a problem with it. I felt a bit like Daffyd off little britain, I was looking around for somebody to have a problem with it so I could have an argument with them and nobody did!

So anyway, how has it been going with you guys?

Welcome back.

And congratulations on your coming out. I'm straight, but have some gay friends and have always been fascinated with the whole psychlogical process that coming out entails. Good for you. Glad it went well.

Sly wrote:

Welcome back.

And congratulations on your coming out. I'm straight, but have some gay friends and have always been fascinated with the whole psychlogical process that coming out entails. Good for you. Glad it went well.

Looking back on the closeted experience right now, it's something that makes me feel a little bit incredulous. Did I Really think that would happen? what the hell was wrong with me.

It is really quite difficult to describe my irrational thought processes at the time, but nobody is rational when you're afraid. As stupid as it sounds that's what it really is, you feel like it's a matter of life and death secret, reveal it and your life as you see it right now is destroyed. You're constantly on alert to not reveal anything or lead anybody on too much. I'm a bit of an (as my cousin would say) Worrymoron anyway due to some unfortunately inbuilt constant anxiety. So it really was hard as **** for me to come out, it was a more of an accident really. The whole story (recorded the night after I told my friend) is here for those with a passing interest.

But basically it boiled down to him talking about a friend who had told him he was gay, In a complete rush of adrenaline (at this point in my life I was becoming tired of the secrets) I said
"I'm gay too"
"wait...really? not even joking?"
"Not even joking"

My heart is pounding like a black metal kick drum right now, i'm feeling crazy out of my mind. The rest of the day I existed in a kind of shell shocked state. I felt completely sick to my stomach for 2 days. The only thing running through my head was pretty much "You've told somebody, that's it. It's over. No more fun easy life for you. I felt like i'd just ruined "the plan". "the plan" being just to keep it a secret until I moved away to another city and starting new without any pretense of heterosexuality. The next day I had to leave band practice with him early the next day because I felt like throwing up ( I had been the previous night) and I could barely play guitar without my hands shaking. I'm normally as laid back as it comes with my personality, always been out there. Never afraid to be who I was or Be the joke even. Which is why this was so surprising and out of character to me at the time...

In retrospect I'm so glad I had that momentary lapse in my judgement to tell that one friend. I told all of my friends, and recently enough even my close family too. Absolutely no qualms from anyone, got an especially surprisingly positive response from my dad. No more secrets, no more lies. Just self acceptance and confidence.

P.S sly, I just checked out your website. very cool playing man I very much appreciate the way you really play to the track without just being a straight "follow the kick drum" kind of guy. Impressive slap playing too!

Right on Tek! You should be proud of yourself for finally being who and what you are, and I am FIRMLY of the belief that it isn't fair or right that "society" dictates what a person should be, whether it's straight or gay. I have quite a number of friends and family who are gay, and I have always supported them, as well as their right to be what they are. Bravo!

Exactly eric, For some reason that's something a lot of straight people fail to understand. It's like sometimes people can't personally understand something and so they just push it out as being weird or wrong. Genetically this evolved for a reason, there's gay animals in pretty much every species. I'm yet to figure out what this reason is but it's there .

Thanks for sharing that. I think that in a way everyone has something inside of them that fear of judgement keeps locked inside. For me it was an abusive relationship that led to multiple suicide attemps. It took me 15 years to come to terms with all the emotionnal soup that those experiences caused - and it's relatively recent that I've become comfortabe speaking openly about it...

Wow this thread is getting deep...;-)

Wow Sly....that is some heavy stuff. But I am thankful that you were able to work through things, and that you are here with us today. My hat is off to you as well!

This place doesn't have to be all about bass trems. If anyone needs to use it as a place to vent to work out issues in Life, then so be it. It would do my heart good knowing that folks get something positive from this place, no matter what the subject may be.

Sly wrote:

Thanks for sharing that. I think that in a way everyone has something inside of them that fear of judgement keeps locked inside. For me it was an abusive relationship that led to multiple suicide attemps. It took me 15 years to come to terms with all the emotionnal soup that those experiences caused - and it's relatively recent that I've become comfortabe speaking openly about it...

Wow this thread is getting deep...;-)

Wow sly...You're far far stronger than I...

A friend of mine right now is dealing with depression caused by Social/peer pressure from her friends/family. In her case though it wasn't really just that, but where she moved from (central african nation) she'd experienced some horrible events that I don't think she ever learnt to deal with properly. Making her very sensitive to things now.

This weekend I've basically had to talk her out of killing herself, but she's too afraid to tell any of her friends or her parents. But i can't be there to talk her out of it all the time, I can't be there to stop her all the time. I need to get her family and friends on board but she is so afraid of telling anybody, I'm the only one she's told. I can't go around and tell other people behind her back or against her wishes, but I feel morally obligated to involve the parents. She feels this way now But I know she won't in the future. I don't want to let her slip through the cracks...

tekkentool wrote:

Wow sly...You're far far stronger than I...

A friend of mine right now is dealing with depression caused by Social/peer pressure from her friends/family. In her case though it wasn't really just that, but where she moved from (central african nation) she'd experienced some horrible events that I don't think she ever learnt to deal with properly. Making her very sensitive to things now.

This weekend I've basically had to talk her out of killing herself, but she's too afraid to tell any of her friends or her parents. But i can't be there to talk her out of it all the time, I can't be there to stop her all the time. I need to get her family and friends on board but she is so afraid of telling anybody, I'm the only one she's told. I can't go around and tell other people behind her back or against her wishes, but I feel morally obligated to involve the parents. She feels this way now But I know she won't in the future. I don't want to let her slip through the cracks...

For sure, you have to keep a close watch and I'd even say tell her family even if it means loosing her trust, because if she goes through with suicide you and all of her family and friends will have lost much more. She probably needs professionnel psychiatric and psychological help, but is probably not in a mental state to ask for it...

Good luck and take good care of your friend...

EricHaven wrote:

Wow Sly....that is some heavy stuff.

It was at the time. Now it's something that I can draw alot of inner strength from...

I wouldn't change a thing from my past.

Music and life are both a part of each other - and bass trems are a part of that! ;-)

Sly wrote:

tekkentool wrote:

Wow sly...You're far far stronger than I...

A friend of mine right now is dealing with depression caused by Social/peer pressure from her friends/family. In her case though it wasn't really just that, but where she moved from (central african nation) she'd experienced some horrible events that I don't think she ever learnt to deal with properly. Making her very sensitive to things now.

This weekend I've basically had to talk her out of killing herself, but she's too afraid to tell any of her friends or her parents. But i can't be there to talk her out of it all the time, I can't be there to stop her all the time. I need to get her family and friends on board but she is so afraid of telling anybody, I'm the only one she's told. I can't go around and tell other people behind her back or against her wishes, but I feel morally obligated to involve the parents. She feels this way now But I know she won't in the future. I don't want to let her slip through the cracks...

For sure, you have to keep a close watch and I'd even say tell her family even if it means loosing her trust, because if she goes through with suicide you and all of her family and friends will have lost much more. She probably needs professionnel psychiatric and psychological help, but is probably not in a mental state to ask for it...

Good luck and take good care of your friend...

Yeah thanks, I've been thinking the same thing myself. She'd be likely to thank me later, she's too impulsive, in the way a lot of young people are. I finally managed to get her to tell a lot of her friends today believe it or not, Instant change. She's feeling a lot better. I know it's only a temporary high for her right now, but I'm sure having an actual network of support instead of just me will help her out a lot...

Again, I applaud both of you for having been through what you have, and still managing to get by. You Guys, as is the case with Everyone here, are always welcome to cry on our shoulders, and talk about whatever is troubling you.

Granted, we are a small family here, but we ARE a family. Everyone looks out for each other.

I've been asked why I play the way I do. Simple. It's my therapy. It's my inner voice screaming at the world, and getting out the angst in my heart. I find it to be much cheaper, and infinitely more satisfying, than talking to a therapist. But this is my own view, and I would NEVER encourage anyone to avoid seeking professional help if they need it. There are a lot of resources out there for a whole myriad of things, and I would hope that anyone who needs it would seek out what they need.

Yeah Eric - same here. Music has always been therapeutic for me and was one of the things, along with support from friends and family, that has always helped me through the tough times. When you speak of your inner voice speaking through your playing - that's true art at work. And IMHO, a players relationship with music is as spiritual and deep as a believers relationship with god.

Whoa, heavy stuff for 7 am! ;-)

tekkentool wrote:

She's feeling a lot better. I know it's only a temporary high for her right now, but I'm sure having an actual network of support instead of just me will help her out a lot...

Yeah, her knowing that she has people to talk to is way important. When your suicidal you feel alone with your pain, and talking about it is the first step to healing. But it's a long and bumpy road to getting better - especially if, as you've said, she went through some tramatical events back home. It takes alot of time and soul searching to make sense of the extreme situations we live through...

Keep a close eye, an attentive ear and an open heart to your friend...